sorry i havent posted in forever. college is intense. anyway wanted to save this here as a reminder in case bro ghosts me again

 you know its been a week (a very insane week where so much happened but not the point) and i didnt think about it much during the working week because i just have too much shit going on in college to get a moment to think or feel sad. but it's sunday again and it's so insane to me when I think about it. who tf dumps someone theyve been friends with for four years after one fight. without even trying to salvage things. i mean i always knew you cut people off easily but I guess I just never expected to be one of those people. in hindsight that was dumb. I should have.

idk why im writing this. i know functionally it's like throwing words at a wall. I guess I'm just not someone who knows how to give up on longstanding relationships that meant a lot to me for so long without putting up a fight. you were supposed to be my sister. and yeah i was mad at you because i couldnt stop feeling like you had just stopped putting in effort for a couple months. obviously things were going to get weird for a while when you decided to have a thing with my best friend and then dump them and entirely stop interacting in a group chat that used to be active 24/7 before altogether. yeah okay i got insecure and mad for a moment and blocked you over it. people fucking fight and make each other upset sometimes. its the prerequisite to being human. i guess i still cant wrap my head around what's so unfixable that we can't be friends anymore. unless you really didnt care and never wanted to be my friend and just didnt have the balls to tell me that is. but you said you did. do you plan on just cutting off everyone in your life every time you upset them? because I think that explains a lot. and I think it's dumb and unsustainable. I still care about you and love you. enough to humiliate myself and try another fucking time even though im pretty sure there's no point. even though I know there's a very real possibility that you just don't want to be my friend. which, believe me, is how it's coming off with how willing you are to move on over one fight. i want to put this behind us and start over. i know its probably pointless. i guess i just had to try.