vi's journal

 you know its been a week (a very insane week where so much happened but not the point) and i didnt think about it much during the working week because i just have too much shit going on in college to get a moment to think or feel sad. but it's sunday again and it's so insane to me when I think about it. who tf dumps someone theyve been friends with for four years after one fight. without even trying to salvage things. i mean i always knew you cut people off easily but I guess I just never expected to be one of those people. in hindsight that was dumb. I should have. idk why im writing this. i know functionally it's like throwing words at a wall. I guess I'm just not someone who knows how to give up on longstanding relationships that meant a lot to me for so long without putting up a fight. you were supposed to be my sister. and yeah i was mad at you because i couldnt stop feeling like you had just stopped putting in effort for a couple months. obviously things we...

except kacey. I have nothing but love for kace right now. idiot didn't even know she's my favourite person in this shithole. girlie you're literally the coolest person ever and I would pretty much ditch any of my other friends here to hang out with you. going on walks at ungodly hours of the night talking with you is literally my favourite and the only thing I missed about college on break. oh well. im glad she knows now.  I miss daniel. I hate rafaela. im hungry but they haven't activated coupons for us so I'll have to figure out dinner elsewhere. ugh. 

the things humans are capable of when pushed... anyway im thinking my motivator for next sem could be...*drumroll* tumblr!!! if I attend all my classes and stay on top of my workload for the week, I get tumblr access over the weekend. and/or if I don't miss more than 3 classes this month and stay on top of my work by the end of august, I get to go back to tumblr:D sounds good right

I let myself care way too easily don't I? I don't dislike that about myself. at least I'll have a rich and meaningful life.  I know he probably won't see this unless he decides to reactivate discord before the 14 day notice period for some reason but I texted him this the bitch deleted his fucking ao3. he REALLY doesn't want me to find him huh. I have no way of reaching out to him. he can't even stalk my tumblr out of morbid curiosity anymore because I've left. I'm not going to pretend it doesn't hurt, but I knew this was coming. so. whatever. good for him. he probably only talked to me cause I was the only person who'd listen to his bullshit. I knew that. I can't waste hours talking to him during the sem anyway. it is what it fucking is.  goodbye, loser.

not like. from the people they concern obviously. if you love someone you should let them know etc etc. but like from the rest of the world. like I'm falling in love with someone again and they make me so giddy and happy to the point of inspiring my 27486977th yearny playlist but I'm not giving anyone the details. nazar na lag jaaye. my love is special and gushes like a river and it's mine . but ayfsjigsgsdfj I love love love love love and im not letting anyone ruin it by telling them and letting their opinions affect me this time. every time I fall in love again it feels impossible. is my cold ivy heart thawing yet AGAIN after I thought it was shattered for good from that last time I'm so fucking proud authdgjdvsj I love people

BUT SERIOUSLY THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY. (even though i generally dgaf about the olympics like what is it with white people bro. an algerian woman beats a white lady and she has to be a man. an indian woman wins a gold and she gets disqualified for being 100 g overweight. kys.) fucking ind/pak solidarity forever bro also the thing about their moms considering each other their own sons is so fucking cuteee. also I couldn't stop laughing at this post I saw give me a toxic yuri like india and pakistan god please anyway that got me thinking...if we had something like hetalia for south asian countries...india and pakistan would obviously be angsty estranged siblings right. but what would bangladesh be. would it be pakistan's daughter?? but then wouldn't it also be india's sister by association??? avg desi family tbh. I actually went on ao3 and looked this up lmao there is a LOTTT of pakistan/china fanfiction out there dyhdrjtjfj anyway vinesh phogat is my queen and ...